Voldemort's CUPCAKES!
by PinkMusicalCherry
Summary: Voldemort calls a Detheater meeting to discuss a VERY important matter... his MISSING CUPCAKES!


**A/N: This **_**very **_**random story just came to me – and I decided to share it with you! (You should feel very special). It's a little crazy – okay, A LOT CRAZY!! Review if you like it! Xxo**

**SUMMARY: Voldemort calls a Deatheater meeting to discuss a VERY important matter... his missing CUPCAKES!!**

Thirty dark and heavily cloaked men apparate to a dim, windy graveyard. Each bear a sharp mask, hiding their identity. The men form an obviously rehearsed circle in a small clearing between stony tombstones and bare, swaying trees.. Each is silent and waiting...

Suddenly, from the shadows appears a thin figure with snakelike eyes and slitted nostrils. He speaks in a silky, chilling voice -

"I suppose you are all wondering why I have called you here..." Voldemort throws chilling looks at each of his Deatheaters in turn (this takes a little while seeing as he has thirty chilling looks to make).

After about ten minutes of chilling looks, Voldemort speaks again. "One of you has committed the utmost, undeniably worst sin anyone could ever committ – even more worse than being a one-year-old-curse-backfiring-scarheaded-baby!"

The Deatheaters shifted uncomfortably, wondering what had gotten their master so upset.

"One of you has... EATEN MY CUPCAKES!" Voldemort shouted the last part, and thirty Deatheaters stood gobsmacked with surprise.. fear... and recognition... then more fear.

FLASHBACK

All is happy and friendly as the unmasked deatheaters entertain themselves on their night off. They are holding a party (the location of said party can not be revealed at this time) and Voldemort will be showing up at any moment. Suddenly, there is the sound of a door opening and Voldemort walks in wearing... A TUXEDO!!

"ARRRRGHHH!!" Screams one man, thinking he's seeing an ugly, bald snake in a suit. He soon realises, it's his master – who has brought a plate of... CUPCAKES!!

Voldemort breezes into the kitchen before placing his cupcakes on a nearby counter. He has picked them up for his long-lost son – 'Harry-but-Hotter'!

Voldemort leaves the cupcakes on the counter – he will collect them when he leaves – and goes to mingle with his minions. A couple of Deatheaters – totally drunk mind you – prance out into the kitchen arm-in-arm and spot a plate of delicious looking... CUPCAKES sitting on a plate on the counter. The pair each lift one up and scoff it down (this takes a good 0.43 seconds) before burping in pleasure. Suddenly one of them gets a great idea. He pulls down his trousers (Oh for the LOVE OF fruit HIDE YOUR EYES!) and lets out a whopping... FART!! ALL OVER the... CUPCAKES!! The other Deatheater giggles and snorts before taking a handful of (fart topped) cupcakes to share out with their fellow Deatheaters!

After hours of drunkenness and a not-so-sexy-as-disturbing table dance from Voldemort himself, the party ends with chummy hugs and not-so-chummy-as-homosexual snogs.

Everyone is leaving and Voldemort is the last one there. He stumbles into the kitchen, straightening his... TUXEDO... and comes across a plate covered with... CUPCAKE crumbs!!

"AAAARRRGGHH!" Voldemort screams before picking up the plate and smacking himself in the head with it. "AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!" Voldemort screams again (this time in pain) – he's not the smartest cupcake when intoxicated. Actually... he's not the smartest cupcake fullstop!

Voldemort decides a long cry would be best in this situation and sobs for a couple of hours, mourning his cupcakes and the fact that his long-lost son – Harry-but-Hotter! – will not get to taste his scrumptious... CUPCAKES!

END FLASHBACK

"So," says Voldemort silkily, "I want to know who ate MY CUPCAKES!!"

The Deatheaters look around at each other. In truth, they can't rember much from the night before – except for one man who keeps getting horrible flashbacks of uncomfortably nice kisses with a bald, snakey man in a... TUXEDO!

"Well?" Asks Voldemort threateningly, "If none of you own up, I'm going to have to punish... ALL OF YOU!" Voldemort breaks of into not-so-hilarious-as-crazy cackles of glee.

"ARRRGGHH!" Screams a man as a not-so-sexy-as-disgusting GREEN BOOGER flies out of Voldemort's left, slitted nostril.

Voldemort recovers from his laughter and hurriedly buries the strangely big booger under some dirt.

Voldemort then thinks up the PERFECT punishment for his untrustworthy deatheaters. He snaps his fingers and his long-lost son Harry-but-Hotter appears... wearing a... TOWEL??

Now Voldemort's long-lost son Harry-but-Hotter is actually a... HOMOSEXUAL!! Hary-but-Hotter turns around and spots the thirty Deatheaters – a decidedly hungry look crossing his features. Harry-but-Hotter has always had a thing for men in masks...

Voldemort looks at his long-lost son with pride and admiration in his eyes. He snaps his fingers again and his Deatheaters' clothing... DISAPPEARS!! Not wanting to stick around, Voldemort apparates away... to make more... CUPCAKES!!

Harry-but-Hotter has a very productive night indeed. He performs BUTT-SEX A HUNDRED and SIXTY TWO and a half TIMES!!

The next day, Voldemort meets with his Deatheaters... they are all limping and can not sit down...

Voldemort makes a mental note to get Harry-but-Hotter some more... CUPCAKES!!

**A/N: The most craziest/weirdest story I have ever written!!**


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